Hatchet Job of the Day

Two glaring omissions in an otherwise sterling line-up were quite rightly pointed out by the New Yorker’s venerable film critic Anthony Lane in his review of Sly’s latest The Expendables:

Where is Jean-Claude Van Damme? If I go to see a movie called “The Expendables,” which already features Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren, and Arnold Schwarzenegger, I expect a place to be found, amid this noble array of thinkers, for the cuboid Belgian. Or how about that vast, immovable block of dough, with two tiny currants for eyes embedded near the top, that goes by the name of Steven Seagal?

Maybe they read the script. “The Expendables” is savage yet inert, and breathtakingly sleazy in its lack of imagination. Stallone, who co-wrote the movie with Dave Callaham, is also listed as the director, but since he appears to be having trouble, in the autumn of his years, getting his eyelids and lower lip to act in consort with the rest of him, I’m hardly surprised that he had no energy left over to command the film.

NB. The Expendables are Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone), Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), Ying Yang (Jet Li), Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), Toll Road (Randy Couture) and Gunner Jensen (Dolph Lundgren).  But perhaps the names aren’t as tongue in cheek as they appear: Sly named his two sons Sage Moonblood and Seargeoh.

Read all reviews here.