Literary Review Bad Sex Award: What did the critics think?

The nominees for the Literary Review‘s notorious Bad Sex in Fiction Award were announced yesterday. But wince-making fumblings apart, how did the books go down with the critics?

Click on the titles to read The Omnivore’s review roundups

Freedom by Jonathan Franzen (4th Estate)

“One afternoon, as Connie described it, her excited clitoris grew to be eight inches long, a protruding pencil of tenderness with which she gently parted the lips of his penis and drove herself down to the base of its shaft. Another day, at her urging, Joey described to her the sleek warm neatness of her turds as they slid from her anus and fell into his open mouth, where, since these were only words, they tasted like excellent dark chocolate.”

The Slap by Christos Tsiolkas (Atlantic Books)

“standing up, her skirt bunched around her ankles, his jeans pulled down to his knees, moaning into each other, the drug keeping him hard and allowing him to forestall climaxing”

The Golden Mean by Annabel Lyon (Atlantic Books)

“The rain falls in black cords, lashing my animals, my men, and my wife, Pythias, who last night lay with her legs spread while I took notes on the mouth of her sex, who weeps silent tears of exhaustion now, on this tenth day of our journey.”

Maya by Alastair Campbell (Hutchinson)

“the walls were going to fall down as we stroked and screamed our way through hours of pleasure to the union for which my whole life had been a preparation”

Heartbreak by Craig Raine (Atlantic Books)

“The arsehole’s café au lait. Its spicy Lebkuchen taste. Her rank ragged furrow. Its exciting ugliness.”

The Shape of Her by Rowan Somerville (W&N)

“Like a lepidopterist mounting a tough-skinned insect with a too blunt pin he screwed himself into her”

Mr Peanut by Adam Ross (Jonathan Cape)

“She was not his wife but a giant she-creature, an overlarge sex pet: his to screw, groom, and maintain.”

A Life Apart by Neel Mukherjee (Constable & Robinson)

(If anyone can supply us with a suitably titillating quote please get in touch)

The winner will be announced on 29th November. Last year’s award went to Jonathan Littell for The Kindly Ones.